——女孩子不会忘记第一个喜欢过的男孩。甚至是尴尬的过去。
A girl will never forget the first boy she likes。Even if things don’t quite work out.
——但通常会有人来说些安抚神伤的智慧话语。
But usually someone is there to office words of wisdom.
——你知道那小男孩为什么这么做这么说吗？因为他喜欢你。
…do you know why that Little boy did those things and said those things？it’s because he likes you.
——就是这样，这就是我们纠结的开端。
And there it ’s the beginning of our problem.
——这个小男孩欺负你，是因为他迷上你了。
That Little boy is doing those terrible because he’s got a crush on you.
——你知道这什么意思？我们都被鼓励着去……不，是被设定了……去相信这个事实——如果一个男人做点蠢事……就意味着他喜欢你。
Do you know what this means？we’re all encourage…no，programmed …to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk…that means he likes you.
——问题是这样的：只因他太爱你了。你这么漂亮又如此迷人。没错，他处理不来。
Here’s the problem：he likes you too much。You’re too pretty and too awesome. Yes，he can’t handle it .
——显然，那个叫phi delt 的喜欢你。我肯定他只是弄丢了你的号码。
That Phi Delt so obviously liked you 。I’m sure he just lost your number.
——他不敢约你出去，是因为他被你成功的事业吓到了。
He’s not asking you out because he’s intimidated by your professional success.
——他不约你，是被你丰富的感情经历吓到了。
He’s not asking you out ，because he’s scarf you emotional maturity.
——相信我，这只是因为他刚结束一段刻骨铭心的感情。
Trust me，it’s because he’s just getting out of a serious relationship.
——相信我，这是因为他从未有过一段刻骨铭心的感情。
Trust me，it’s because he’s had a serious relationship.
——他可能忘了你住哪间茅舍。或者被狮子吃掉了。
I’m sure he just forget your hut number. Or was eaten by a lion.
——为什么我们要说这些互相安慰的话？可能是因为我们害怕……也很难开口承认这个明显的事实……这都写在大家脸上了。
Why do we say this stuff to each other？is it possible that it’s because we’re too scared…and it’s too hard to say the one obvious truth…that’s staring everyone in the face？
——所以你觉得他们结婚是好事……但你没觉得我们一直没结婚其实很违背自然常理么？
Well，so you think it’s great that they’re getting married …but you don’t ever feel like we’re going against nature ，or something…by not getting married？
——不，违背自然常理是指猫咪给猴子喂奶。而我们只是恰巧没有结婚而已。让我告诉你吧，结婚的人都不可靠。
No，going against nature is like the cat who suckled that monkey 。you and I are just two people who happen not to be married。Let me tell you something，people who get married are not be trusted.
——确实不可靠，你知道为什么吗？因为如果你真的觉得幸福，老实说……你就不需要去做场结婚秀来展示。你也不需要宣扬。他们之所以这样做，是没有安全感……他们觉得结婚是必须做的事。他们骗了自己也骗了他人。
They’re not 。 you know why ？because if you so legitimately happy ，honestl…you wouldn’t feel the need to make a big show out of it。You wouldn’t have to broadcast it 。they do it because they’reinsecure…and they think getting married’s what they’re supposed to be doing。So they’re lying to themselves and to other people.
——如果一个男人没给我打电话，我有权每15分钟给他打一次电话，直到他接为止。但是如果他看到是我的号码……他就会觉得我有毛病，但我不是。
If a guy doesn’t call me ，I would like to reserve the right to call him at 15-minute intervals until he picks up 。but if he looks down and sees my numbers …he’s gonna think I’m some kind of pasycho or something，which I’m not.
——conor 不会打电话给你的。
Conor’s never gonna call you。
——真的么，你怎么知道的？
Oh，really。How do you know？
——因为我也是个男人，这就是我们的方式。
Because I’m a guy ，and it’s just how we do it。
——他说了跟我见面很开心。
He said it was nice meeting me 。
——不管他是不是跟你说，你就是……除了他妈和Joanie Cunningham 之外……他心中最理想的女性。已经过了一个星期，Gigi他都没用打给你，
I don’t care if he said you were hes favorite female since his mommy and Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by ，okay，Gigi，？and he didn’t call you .
——但是也许他真的打了，我只是没有收到留言而已. 或者也许他把我的号码弄丢了……或者他出城了，或者被出租车撞了，或者他外婆死了。
But maybe he did call and I didn’t get the messag. Or maybe he lost your number，or he’s out of town ，or got hit by a cab ，or his grandma died
——或者他没有打给你，仅仅是因为他没有兴趣再见你了。
Or he didn’t call because he has no interest in seeing you again。
——是么，但我朋友Terri 有次跟个从都不来电话的男人出去，她把他给甩了，一年之后，她撞见了他，最后他们……
Yeah，but my friends Terri once went out with a guy who never called. She totally wrote him off，over a year by ，right，she ran into him ，and it ended up that…
——你朋友Terri是个傻瓜，她也是个例外……顺道提一句，是很少很少的例外。
Your friend Terri’s an idiot. She’s also the exception…by the way ，the rare exception.
——好吧，好吧，但是万一我也是例外呢？
Okay ，okay，but what if I’m the exception？
——不，你不是，你一点都不是，事实上，你就是个常规案例。常规情况就是，如果一个男人不打电话给你，因为他不想打电话给你。
No，you’re not. You’re not at all. n fact，you’re the rule。And the rule is this：if a guy doen’t call you ，he doen’t wanna call you.
——我知道男人怎样做是在摆脱女人，好吧？我刚才还做过，家常便饭了。所以相信我，如果一个男人对待你的方式就像他毫不在乎一样，那么他真的是完全不在意你的，没有例外。
Look，I know what blowing off a woman looks like，okay？I do it early ，I do it often. So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit…he genuinely doesn’t give a shit，no exception.
——我们不能听那些故事了。常规就是对你不忠的男人，根本就不把你当回事。
We have to stop listening to these stories。The rule is that guys who cheat on you don’t care about you much.
——我所有朋友都曾告诉我这样的故事，在那些狗屎事件发生后，事情还能进展得很顺利。因为她们认识某个跟我一样遇到狗屎男的女人，而那个女人最后还结了婚，生活得很幸福。但那些都是例外，我们不是例外，我们是常规案例。
And all of my friends used to tell me stories about how things minght work out with these dipshits，because they knew someone who dated a dipshit like mine，and that girl ended up getting married。But that’s the exception ，we’re not the exception，we’re the rule.
——我曾经以为我从未被人抛弃过，是的，于是我们开始比较，然后我们意识到，每个交往过的男人都甩过我们。
I used to think that I had never been dumped. Yeah，then we started comparing notes. Then we realized we’ve both been dumped by every man we’ve ever been with.
——但是他们甩得太巧妙了。他们太狡猾了，让你觉得这都是你的主意。
But they do it so skillfully 。they just so sneaky that you think it was your idea。
——你稳稳地坐着，你以为：“是，这是我的主意，但是，等等，那为什么孤单的人是我？”
You’re sitting back and you’re like：“oh，yeah。This my idea，but wait a second，why am I alone？”
——“不开心的是我，胖了20磅的也是我？”他们耍了点把戏，迷惑了你。所以他们来软的。
“why am I unhappy？why have I gained 20 pounds？”they jedi mind-trick you. So they do a sofe pass.
——比如他们对你说的那些台词
They got little lines they to tell you.
——比如说“我不想妨碍你”
Like，“I don’t wanna stand in your way.”
——或者“你太完美了，只是，问题出在我身上。”
Or，“you’re perfect，it’s just I have to work on myself.”
——是的“我只是在为你的幸福着想”
Right。“I’m just thinking of your happiness.”
——“我配不上你”那是我最爱的一句。
“oh，I don’t deserve you。”that’s my favorite one.
——“我真嫉妒以后能和你结婚的那个男人。”
“I am so jealous of the guy who gets to marry you.“
——如果一个男人给了你他的号码，而不是拿走你的，那他就是对你不感兴趣。同样的，如果一个人想见你，相信我，他会来见你。
If a guy give you his phone number instead of taking taking yours ，he’s not interested 。and also，if a guy wants to see you ，believe me ，he will see you.
——那现在我就得从每一个不喜欢我的男人身边跑开？
So，what，now I’m just supposed to run from every guy who doen’t like me ？
——是的。
Yeah。
——那我就一个也不剩了。
There’s not gonna be anybody left.
——我不明白为什么人们都想结婚。
I don’t understand why people wanna get married.
——不，没有一个男人想真的结婚。如果他们结了，他们成天想些什么呢？想这那些他们即将失之交臂的`女人。
No，no guy actually wants to get if they do，all they’re really thinking about？all the women they’re gonna miss out on.
——你为什么结婚？
Why’d you get married？
——我爱Juenie。
I love Juenie。
——那你是个幸福的已婚男人。
You’re a happily married guy.
——有人发明火花这个词，以便自己能够不打电话，对你不好，还让你不听猜测。然后让你相信，那种焦虑和害怕的感觉是自然滋生的。这就是火花的真面目。你们却照单全收，深信不疑。你们热爱火花这个说法，因为够跌宕起伏，大家都热衷戏剧性情节。
Guys invented the spark ，so they could not call and treat you kind of badly and keep you guessing. Then convince you that that anxiety and fear that just develops naturally …was actually just a spark。And you guys all buy it. you eat it up and you love it. you love it because you feed off that drama. you all love drama. you love it because you feed off that drama，you all love that drama .
——我不。
I don’t 。
——这么说你从未因为暗地里热爱戏剧性情节而把事情拖到截止日的最后一分钟，或是收到电话催款单，拿不定主意自己是做还是不做？
So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or a phone bill，because secretly you love the drama 。of not knowing whether or not you’re gonna make it ？
——当不久前的那个夜里，当你想着Conor 的时候，你是不是一直都纠结他为什么不打电话？不停来回踱步，老是盯着自己的手机，即使这次约会其实再平常不过了？
Wnen you were stalking Conor the other night were you obsessing about him calling …constantly pacing back and forth ，staring at your phone for days …even though the date was just kind of mediocre？
——因为你热衷戏剧性情节。听着，你应该学学我，如果这姑娘喜欢我，很棒。但如果没有……天涯何处无芳草？到处是皮肤比她好，胸也比她大的女人。
Because you all thrive on the drama. look ，you gotta be more like me。If a girl likes me，great。But if not ，there are plenty more out there like her ，you know ？with smaller pores and bigger implants.
——男人想约你，会自己创造机会，明白？他会邀请你的。我约你了？
If a guy wants to date you ，he will make it happen ，okey？he will ask you out. did I ask you out？
——女人怎么会这样？自己产生幻想，把男人做的一些无关紧要的小事，臆变成其它的？太疯狂了。
Why do women do this？build up this stuff in their minds take each little things a guy does ，and then twist it nito something else？it’s insane。
——就算那样也好过你。
I’d rather be like that than be like you.
——什么意思？
What is that supposed to mean？
——可能是我太专注于小事，太投入了，但至少说明我还在乎。你觉得你赢了，把女人当消耗品？也许你不会受伤或一走了之，但你永远也得不到真爱。你还是输。你依然独身。我是做了很多蠢事，但我知道我离找到比你好的更近了。
I may dissect each little thing and put myself there too much but at least that means I still care 。oh，you think you’ve won because women are expendable to you？you may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way ，but you don’t fall in love that way either 。you’re alone。I may do a lot of stupid shit ，but I know I’m a lot closer to finding someone than you are .
——你于11点的深夜一路而来，只为还我一支促销笔？
You came all the way here at 11：00at night to brings me back a promotinal pen？
——我想我该找个好借口过来才行。就是该这么做的，不是吗？
I thought I should just come up with some really great excuse to get over here. that’s how it’s done ，isn’t it ？
——有时。
Sometimes。
——听着，我无法停止想你。这是个问题。我开车到你的住处，我打了电话又挂断。
Look，I can’t stop thinking about you 。it’s a problem。I drive by your place ，I call and hang up 。
——一个聪明人曾经告诉我：要是一个男人想要和一个女孩在一起，无论如何，他会实现它的。
A wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl he will make it happen ，no matter what。
——这是真的。
It’s true。
——但当我对你投怀送抱的时候，你似乎并不想让它发生。
But when I was hurling my body onto yours ，you did not seem to want to make it happen.
——我必须停止相信，男人会改变。
That I have to stop thinking that every guy will change.
——我真的非常爱你。非常非常。我想要让你幸福，我必须让你幸福，我正尝试着让你幸福。你会嫁给我吗？
I love you so much . and I wanna make you happy ，I need to make you happy for me to even have a shot at being happy. Will you marry me？
——女孩在成长中被教育很多事：要是一个男人挥拳打你，那他喜欢你。永远不要试着修剪自己的刘海。然后有一天，你会遇见一个完美的男人，然后得到属于你自己的幸福结尾。
Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up ：if a guy punches you，he likes you 。never try to trim your own bangs。And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
——我们所看到的每部电影，听到的每个故事恳求着我们驻足等待。第三种扭曲行为：意想不到的爱的宣言，法则的例外。但是有的时候，我们太专注于寻找我们的幸福结局，我们没有学会如何读懂信号的迹象。如何辨别谁想要我们，而谁又不想要。谁会留下，而谁又会离开。
Every movie we see ，every story we’re told implores us to wait for it. The third act twist：the unexpected declaration of love. the exception to rule。But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending ，we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t. the ones who will stay from the ones who will leave.
——或许这样的幸福结局，并不包括一个完美的男人。或许只有你凭自己的力量，拣起散落一地的碎片，再重来一遍。为更好的将来，不桎梏你自己。或许幸福的结局只是继续前行。
And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy. Maybe it’s you on your own ，picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future。Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
——再或者幸福的结局是这个：了解到所以的未回复来电与破碎的心，通过所有失策与误读的信号、通过所有的伤痛与尴尬，你就永远永远不会放弃希望。
Or maybe the happy ending is this：knowing that all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts through all the blunders and misread signals ，through all of the pain and embarrassment，you never ，ever gave up hope.
——我是说，每个人都会犯错。我已经开始试着弄清我要做什么，我要成为谁？或许现在想这个晚了点，但为什么不呢？为什么不？迟做总比不做好。
I mean， everyone makes mistakes。I’ve started trying to figure out what I wanna do，who I wanna be，you know？priobably seems the wrong time to do that ，but why not ？you know ，why not ？better later than never.
——你知道，我把我的精力专注于自我提高，而不是约会。我不知道，或许约会有一点点自我评价过高。
You know ，what I’ve been focusing my energy on is like a self-discovery，as opposed to dating。I don’t know，maybe dating’s a little overrated.